Why You Should Never Listen to Your Financial Advisors

Financial advisors (FA) should teach people to make more money than to constantly harp on investments and savings and retirement and then they take 50% of that for their commissions and then tell you that financial freedom will take time and planning. Typically, you'll only start breaking even at the 3rd year of any investment instrument.

I say that because having being in the financial industry myself, those are crap advice.

Savings and investments are for those that is already earning a medium to high income and with extra surplus or cashflow to go around. A family of 4 (A) with monthly income of $1500 monthly and a similar family (B) who brings in $3000 monthly assuming they live in the same type of flats, eat the same kind of food, everything else the same except income, family B will be the one with the surplus cashflow and thus have the ability to save or invest. Family A will can never consider the long term benefits of financial planning because they are busy trying to make ends meet. This is a fact which is why you will have FAs who will prospect only the medium to high income because the low wage earners have no surplus. Standard of living is expensive nowadays, they affect everybody. Pity for family B because having to allocate their surpluses to insurance premiums, savings and investment accounts, are left to compromise on living a life they dream of because financial freedom takes time to materialize. Welcome to Bora Bora, you are 100 years old!

I'm not saying that saving is not important. I dont need an FA to tell me that, my mom can tell me that for free plus she'll lock up my cash stash without the maintenance fees. I'm also not saying that you shouldn't make your money work for you by not investing or that you don't need insurance. 

I am saying that our FAs MUST teach people to earn more money. Let's face it, there are FAs out there that is struggling to earn a decent income themselves. How do you teach you people about finance when you yourself are not really "financially free"? You must teach people about money and how to get more, NOW. Start with an extra 100 a month and then 200 and so on...you don't have to paint a 'Be a Millionaire' kind of picture. Set the right expectations. That extra money can go off to pay debts, mortgage or even add in a trip or two.

What do I mean by earning more money? Teach people to find ways to make more money! What way? Any way!

Help people to ask for a raise at work. Or by getting a promotion.

Tutor or freelance during your free hours or weekends.

Set up a business. If you don't have a time, do it part time. If you don't have a huge capital, do network marketing. Or an online business. There are plenty of opportunities out there. Thinking that you need huge capital to start a business is a myth. Businesses are set up everyday with little or no capital at all.

Help people find clients to get started.

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera...the lists are endless.

I personally believe it is easier to earn an extra $100 dollars a month than to save $100 dollars a month.

Think about it, if it is really that easy to save why do we need FAs in the first place? People would just line up in front of the banks and open up whatever investment and savings accounts they need. Now you know why they earn half for their commissions?

How would you rather pay your FA,

50% of $100 that you earn extra every month? 

OR

50% of $100 that you are saving? Money that you will not see 10 or 15 years later and then you are only getting half of it.

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Posted in: Entrepreneurship,Nomad Philosophy

You've Got to Find What You Love

This is written on a lazy Sunday morning.

See I woke up today, not really knowing what to do. I check my facebook, emails still lounging around in bed not really knowing what to do. I've got some plans to go out today but nothing was really planned out.

I don't know how it happened but I was just browsing through Google, looking for interesting articles to read till I stumble and article about a speech made by Steve Jobs in 2005. It was addressed to a group of graduating college students and as I was reading it, it felt like I can almost feel like Steve Job was present in my room with me, talking to me.

We all had our fair share of disappointments and failures but what sets some people apart from all the others, who eventually turns out successful and happy and loved and complete. They keep moving. They don't give up and most importantly they found what they love. It is very hard to give up on something that you love.

Steve Jobs views on death, faith, moving forward and connecting the dots was something that I've always had a hold on. Clearly, we dont share the same successes but I am comforted that someone so successful as him had the same thoughts as me. I won't elaborate the speech, I hope you will read it and I hope that you will find something in there that will resonates with you as it did with me.

I also would like to dedicate this speech to one that I love and that I hope that you will find what you seek. That may you find the strength to see within yourself the real potential you bear vs the fake confidence you wear.

J.

Click here for Steve Job's transcript.

 

 

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Posted in: Entrepreneurship,Nomad Philosophy,Random Thoughts and Expressions

10 Reasons not to Vote for PAP this General Election

The PAP rally trucks are broadcasting their messages all over the neighbourhood. I wonder how many people are actually at home during this time of the day. I think most of us are probably in CBD slogging our life away, so who is the PAP really talking to? Its not a public holiday after Nomination day, is it?

I wasn't too excited about the GE this year as I thought like many other years before there will be plenty of 'walkovers'. Turns out, I do get to vote this year. All except 1 of the constituencies are being contested. How did that happen? And how did it begin?

Our inner thoughts that we penned down on Facebook or Twitter or other social medias during our frustrated moments in a crowded train, our struggles to get jobs, get seen by our friends and some of their friends and then its gets shared by more people and then it gets blogged and commented and rebutted and spread and broadcasted and people starts to ask questions like serious questions on cost of livings and ministers salary and then what started out as a small thought by one person evolved to a bigger thoughts of many people and then you can sense that that is what it takes to give confidence for a contest. And for once people who never cared about politics (like myself) stood up and take notice. It is about time. You no longer need permission to be heard it seems

So who shall get my first virgin vote?

Enter Yaevlejunce, who explains 10 reasons why it shouldn't be for PAP namely because,

1. Don't render unto Caesar's what is not Caesar's

2. Incompetence

3. Double standards

4. Blatant Lies

5. Operation Coldstore and the 1963 General Elections (I find this interesting)

6. Lim Chin Siong

7. Singaporean students need to learn a fair and accurate history in school

8. Traumatic MP experiences and MP who fears death by the Chair

9. Money. Of course, it's all about money

10. Singapore needs change

Read full article here.

And if you like to know how our future generation thinks and their opinions, enter Loh Pei Ying.

 

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Posted in: Nomad Philosophy,Random Thoughts and Expressions

What can Google do? The little tool that can overthrow governments (Part One)

On 18th January 2011, a young girl in Egypt recorded a simple video expressing a radical thought and her hunger for change.

 

On 11 February 2011, President Hosni Mubarak announces his resignation.

 

Over a span of 24 days, little did we know that that simple video featuring a young girl, not famous not a celebrity...she can be like you and me, caught the attention of many from hundreds to thousands to millions and brought change to her country and rid of a government known to be corrupted.

What can we learn from this?

Yes, small things can cause big change. 

When unity rules, politicians drools.

So I pondered about this, who really has power? Who really has control?

"Give the people control and we will use it"

The world has changed radically. Forever.

Who could have imagined that kids with cameras and internet connections could gather larger audiences than cable networks could. That they can bring down politicians and companies. And get this, they didn't do it by breaking rules. They operate by new rules.

Google Rules.

To be continued...

 

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Posted in: Entrepreneurship,Nomad Philosophy,Random Thoughts and Expressions

Five Reasons to Take a Career Break

For one thing, you don't have to ride a stuffy train and deal with technical difficulties on your way to work. I need to practice more of what I read and the train fault this morning reminds me the reason why I hate commuting to work so much! I can hear the winds of change....hmmmm....

You woke up this morning, washed your face, looked in the mirror and wondered, “How did I get here? Thirty-something, house, car, excellent job, by all measures “successful;” so why do I hate my life?” You’re not alone. I think eventually most people have the “Is this it?” moment in their adult lives where they step back and wonder if there’s more that they’re missing. The answer, most of the time, is “Yes! There is more and you’re missing it!”
- BootsnAll.com

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Posted in: Entrepreneurship,Nomad Life,Nomad Philosophy

An Academic's Delusion

Most corporate giants and MNCs is about about hiring the brightest Ph.D. academics and systems people on the planet. 
It makes sense right?

However, hiring every postgraduate they could get their hands on, they caused themselves a very big blindspot…

You could not even get an interview if you dropped out of college. So you wouldn't even consider the applications for the likes of say....

Mark Zuckerburg…

Steve Jobs…

Bill Gates?

Interesting and ironic that it is the intellectual individuals who quit school, drop out of college that seems to be the movers and shakers on this earth. This model has been repeated over the course of history over and over again.

It will take a long time for my academic friends to realize that chasing papers are just another of those writings on the wall.

There was a tectonic shift going on in the way we roll online.

 

Facebook was created by college dropouts and hackers. The majority of the world are not postgrads…

 

I advocate that one should pursue life long learning not so much of credentials made of paper but for the learning itself. Learning does not necessarily starts and end in a school or campus. In the end, it is not how far you study that the determines how you would influence the world nor would it indicate how far you would get ahead in life.

 

On a lighter note, wouldn't it be just awesome to 'Hack the Planet', topple the elites and monopoly-ism. I seriously don't mind.

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How to Shamelessly Promote Yourself

The internet has spawned many self proclaimed “celebrities” agree?

You can shameless promote yourself like how this couple did,

Not a bad strategy considering how the video which asked for people’s blessing of their marriage (she’s 47 he’s 23) went viral since Sunday.

[Note: PLEASE DON’T unless you are really aching for your 2 minutes of fame. ]

 

Or you can do what I did by marketing yourself and advertising your services and products freely,

 

Not like this,

 

 

Like this,

Disclaimer: I don’t get paid by featuring Anythinglah.com on my blog. I am a member of the site and returning the favour because they feature me on their page. Thank you Raswadi!

J.

 

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Posted in: Entrepreneurship,Nomad Philosophy,Random Thoughts and Expressions

Why I am not too excited about the Singapore Elections

I am sharing what I think are the general sentiments of the public and myself.

 

Ministers are currently drawing $1.2m a year which divided by 12 is about $100,000 per month. How does it compare with the average person?

According to the Report on the Labour Force in Singapore 2006, the median gross monthly income of workers in full-time employment is $2,170. In other words, a worker takes a month to earn what a Minister earns in half a day! For university graduates, the median gross monthly income is $4,450. This would take the Minister one day to earn.

 

 “Who are we trying to kid? Before we start talking about dying for Singapore, let us look at our leaders. We are told that we cannot get good leaders unless we pay top dollar, so why expect more from the rest of us”?

 

If we are seriously unable to interest good people into public office, we must ask why other countries can do it and we cannot. Is it just money, or the fact that we have not invested in creating a culture of high public-spiritedness?

 

In some countries, there are young people aspire to hold public office. SM Goh had previously said that we could not expect to behave like people in other countries because we are a young nation and people still see things in material terms. How sad. After 41 years of nationhood, national service and national day parades, what do we teach our children? Do we judge a person’s worth by his salary? If so, we have wasted millions of tax dollars on these nation-building efforts, which have truly been in vain!

 

 

- www.entrepreneur.com.sg

 

 

 

In summary, mono-polytics no more, hear us - your own country people born and bred in Singapore and giving us money nearing to elections is just another way of bribing/paying for votes.

 

And of course, the classic arguement by Sylvia Lim in April 2007,

.....very timely especially in view of the upcoming elections, and the recent pay rise of the President to $4.2mill... If he had $1 mill less, would he perform less well? 

 

 

Full transcripts here

 

J.

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Posted in: Entrepreneurship,Nomad Philosophy,Random Thoughts and Expressions

Forever Holding Your Piece for Peace?

In my earlier posts I said that nothing is taboo in Jeny’s Closet. Except politics. I take that back. Nothing is taboo in Jeny’s Closet, period.

Too long have I been in a society where to speak up warrants getting into trouble. With your boss, with the law. Anyone or anybody who deems to think that they are off the higher authority. I am not one who loves confrontation or for that matter stirring up a revolution but I do like to think that when an injustice occurs or something is just not right, you stand up for it. You stand up for it not to stir trouble but just because it is the right thing to do.

I like to think that we all have something to say and policy makers and laws need to know that. Any changes made affects us, doesn’t it? If we don’t speak up for ourselves than who will? Keeping quiet won’t mean that the problem will just go away. I can abide to survive but for how long. I can abide and hold my piece because God forbids I will get into trouble but for how long. And isn’t it interesting to note that fear really keeps things together? Holding my piece for the sake of peace, is that wise?

The media manipulates and bend the truth, statements are released without due thoughts – are we going to be the generation that just take news as truth and not questioned it. Perhaps the majority thinks that speaking up won’t change anything. I used to think that way too till a friend of mine reasoned that ‘if we don’t say it, no one who needs to know will know. They can decide to do anything they want with what was said but our duty is to tell them’.

Agreed. Till then I shall have an opinion and not afraid to say it.

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7 Ways to Pull Yourself Together

From time to time, we all get a little down, maybe even a little depressed. Maybe we are feeling overwhelmed, or feel bad because we’re not doing well with our goals. There are many reasons for feeling down, and I’m not qualified to discuss all of them, their implications, or clinical treatment. What I can talk about are some things that have worked for me. So God help me, last month has been pretty rough on me. I won’t get into details but lets just say it was so bad I had to put writing on my blog on hold because I was feeling it a little too much.
Feeling a little depressed can interfere with achieving our goals. We know we should be doing something, but we just don’t feel like doing anything. This can last for a long time if you don’t head it off as soon as possible and take action. Here are some of the things that work best for me:

1. Make a list. Sometimes we are depressed simply because we are overwhelmed with all the things we have to do that we haven’t gotten around to doing. You might be into GTD (Get Things Done), but sometimes every GTDer falls behind with his system, and sometimes you just don’t have the energy to do so. So all the “stuff” that’s in our head can overwhelm us. Start simply by picking up a piece of paper and a pen, and making a list of the most pressing things you have to do. Sometimes it’s work stuff, sometimes it’s stuff around the house that’s bothering us, sometimes it’s goal tasks, or a combination of these and more. Simply making a list can be a big relief — you’re getting things under control. You can see, right in front of you, what you need to do, and that alone can pick up your mood. I listed mine on 43 Things while I don’t really start on all of the things I listed but seeing them up and published does remind me of the things that I am excited about and always wanted to do.

2. Take action. You’ve made a list, and you still feel overwhelmed? Well, get started on the first thing you need to do. Is it a big task? Break it down and just do the smallest task, something just to get you started. Once you get started, once you get into action, you’ll feel better. Trust me. You might still feel overwhelmed, but at least you’re doing something. And once you start doing something, you’ve got momentum, and that feels much better than lying around feeling sorry for yourself. Example, you’ve always wanted to save but never got around to it. Take your wallet, get all the change out and put them in a jar. Deposit them to a bank once the jar is full. The key is to start the habit of doing.

3. Exercise. I know, you might not be in the mood for exercise. But just do it! Taking a walk, going for a run, going to the gym, whatever it is you do for exercise — get out and do it now! You don’t need to do a real hard workout, but the simple act of exercise can lift your mood immediately. Just do it!

4. Shower and groom yourself. Laying around in your underwear, smelling bad, is not going to do you any good. Simply showering, and feeling clean, can do wonders for your mood. Brush your teeth, comb your hair, shave, do whatever it is that you need to do to feel clean and good about yourself. Instant pick me up!

5. Get out of the house and do something. Sometimes, if you stay home lying around, feeling depressed, just getting out (after showering and grooming) will change your mood. Staying home all the time can really get you down, and you may not realize this until you go out and do something. Preferably something on your list (see No. 1).

6. Play some lively music. I am now very much into Maher Zain, Paramores, a little of Rihanna from time to time and upbeat 90’s tune, but you might have your own brand of feel-good music. Whatever it is, crank it up, and let yourself move to the beat. It may just be what the doctor ordered.

7. Talk about it. Got a significant other, best friend, family member, co-worker you can talk to? Bend their ear. That’s what they’re their for. If you don’t, there are hotlines, or professionals, you can talk to. Or God. And then there’s always online forums. These are great places to find someone to talk to. Getting things off your chest makes a big difference, and can be a huge lift. It can also help you work out the reasons you’re feeling down. Personally, I express my thoughts to Tumblr through a personal journal I started. There are random thoughts I may have or feel and I just wanted to release it through the online universe. It is just my way of some ‘poetic’ justice if that makes sense at all.

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Posted in: Nomad Philosophy

What are your 43 things?

I stumbled upon 43 things recently and although I don't use it on a daily basis I love that it forces me to think about what I wanted to achieve in my life. I think about I want today and as the day progresses it reminds me to take small actions to achieve them in a small way. That way it doesn't become a 5 or a 10 year goal because I never like to plan it that long. Also, I don't know if I'll still be here tomorrow.

The cool thing is you can look at other people’s goals, and get ideas and inspiration from people all over the world. There are also other kinds of lists … books you’d like to read, places you want to visit, your lists of favorites or things you’d like to do before you die. Many possibilities, all of them good. If you haven't started, I suggest you go to the site and try it out.

Of course, you can do this on paper or on any program but what is cool is that you can set a reminder from your future to yourself to keep your goals on track — you may also publicly challenge yourself to do one of your things by a certain date, and if you don’t, you set something that you have to do instead (like eat your shoe, or whatever).

I have started with 20 things and for sure I'll add more to make up 43. I just can't figure out what it is (yet). They are not in order.

	1.	Learn Arabic
	2.	Own a home
	3.	Complete my driving licence and own a car
	4.	Backpack through Europe
	5.	backpack through the world
	6.	film a documentary
	7.	host a documentary
	8.	write a song
	9.	know what I want
	10.	Live in a different country every 3 months
	11.	Pursue dancing professionally
	12.	Complete to read and understand the Quran
	13.	Road trip to Egypt
	14.	See Mecca and complete Haj
	15.	Do splits
	16.	Get lean
	17.	Earn online full time
	18.	Get 2nd citizenship
	19.	Get out of debt
	20.	love unconditionally.

So what's are your 43 things?

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I Am Sorry Mum but Tonight, I'm Cleaning Out My Closet

Eminem has seen this coming.

A couple of weeks ago I had my mum rang me and when I answered she screamed “Your closet is broken!”

It seems that the pole that was holding my clothes broke into 2. My closet which has served me for only 2 years collapsed at the insanely amount of clothes I have that seems to pile endlessly on top of one another. I have since cleaned up my closet and replaced the pole but told myself to start a habit of cleaning it every 6 months.

Though I like to think myself as a neat freak or an extremely organized person, I am far from it. When I am pressed for time, I’ll grab the first top I see from the pile and by the same manner grab whatever clothes strewn on my bed and chuck them in my closet. It is an endless cycle.

Now cleaning up your closet can be intimidating and many would dread the idea of spending the afternoon going through your clothes but trust me, it is extremely fun. I find it therapeutic plus I’ve uncovered a few dresses and blouses never worn along the way. I am pretty sure if you ebay some of your clothes it would have come up to a nice dough on the side. Just a thought.

So let’s start cleaning out the closet of the literal kind!

Editing your wardrobe.

Take a look at your closet — is it stuffed full of clothes you don’t wear? Do you have trouble picking out what to wear in the morning? Are there clothes you don’t fit, don’t like, or can’t wear because they are stained or torn? How about your clothes drawers? Overstuffed?

If so, your closet may be in need of editing. Most of us are in this category. And even though I tried to simplify my clothes, I need to go through my closet to see if there’s stuff in there I no longer wear. I pull out a bunch of things and put them in a bag to trash or sometimes donate them to my sister. When my closet is simpler, my mind is more at ease.

To edit your wardrobe, here are some simple steps:

• Pull out all the clothes from your closet. Put them on your bed. Now go through this pile, one item at a time, deciding what stays and what goes. Follow these rules:

1. If you haven’t worn an item in months, put it in the donate pile. There’s a reason you don’t wear that item — you’re probably not going to wear it again for a long while, if ever.
2. If you no longer fit an item, donate it. Yes, you plan to lose 5 kg to fit into that outfit. Well, when you do, go to the thrift shop and get some better-fitting items. Until then, they’re taking up space in your closet.
3. If an item is stained or torn beyond repair, donate it. If you can repair it, put it in a bag and take it to be sewn tomorrow (or do it yourself). If that bag sits in your house or car for more than a week, you’ll probably never do it, so donate it or toss it. For myself, I often keep stained or torn clothing, if I really love an item, but I only wear it around the house. I save the good clothes for company. :)
4. If an item is out of style or doesn’t match anything else you own, consider donating it. OK, if you really love it and still wear it, go ahead and keep it. Butterfly bell-bottoms? You’re still cool.
5. When in doubt, donate.
6. For seasonal clothes, Where I live, there’s always tropical goodness year round, so this isn’t an issue.

• If you still have a lot of clothes left, consider the following:

1. Keep clothes that are of the same color scheme, and toss the rest. This way, everything matches, and you don’t have to worry about what goes with your blouse. Neutral colors like tan and white are great, with some color tossed in. I avoid bright colors, especially those that bleed in the wash. I don’t like to worry about that.
2. Keep clothes that are simple in design, and can be paired with anything. Jeans are a great example (not the kinds with bells and whistles, the simple kinds). You can put just about any shirt with jeans, and you’re good to go. Shoot for this kind of philosophy. Don’t have pants or a skirt that can only go with one or two other items. Be able to mix and match with ease and without some kind of complicated chart.
3. Make comfort a priority. Looks are important, but comfort is more important. You want to be at ease in whatever you wear, so keep that in the forefront as you edit your clothing.

• Hang the clothes back in the closet nicely, in some order. Pairing by color is nice, and has an especially nice effect if you use the same color hangers. If you have fewer clothes, they look much nicer in the closet.

• Repeat this process with your clothes drawers. Throw out the torn underwear and stained socks. Once you weed out a lot of the stuff, fold them neatly and put them back in your drawers nicely. Again, fewer clothes look much nicer in your drawers. If you have time, organize a sale or ebay or you can even do a swap with your friends. That way you'll get fresh edition of clothes without spending pennies.
  

• Edit your wardrobe every 6 months or so. It’s best if you refrain from buying too many more unnecessary clothes, but I know some of you are shopaholics, and even the rest of us accumulate stuff over time. Make this a regular event, and you’ll keep your wardrobe nice and simple.

I still need to edit my wardrobe, though, on a regular basis. I know it’s time when it’s hard to find stuff, and when I look through my closet and find lots of stuff I rarely wear.

Simplify your wardrobe, and your life will be much simpler and stress-free. It’s wonderful. Give it a try!

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An Author's Post - The Idea of Success (The Beginning Chapter)

This is not just another ‘About’ post. What the ‘About’ page lacks in detail, I’m going to address in this post.

Here’s the deal: I’ve been working full time for almost 10 years. I’ve had a lot of failures and a lot of successes in my attempt to climb the corporate ladder.

In my younger days, success would mean a heavy paycheque, fancy cars, fancy clothes, fancy bags and a fancy boyfriend. By a fancy boyfriend I mean, tall, suave, good looking and he too owns a heavy paycheque, fancy cars and…..well you get my drift.

Having gone through losing my entire savings, incurring debt, climbing the corporate ladder from below (again), being cheated on and a bad dirty break up, my idea of success now is – if I can get through the day only to still feel grateful and happy, knowing that tomorrow is another day and I’ve done the best that I could to celebrate the day I have today.

No longer do I set goals of where I want to be in the next 5 years or 10 or 20. I set goals now on very short specific terms. For example, today I want to wake up at 6am and talk to God. Today, I shall attempt not to make Mum upset. Today, I shall finish work by end day and not think about work. Today, I shall not spend more than 10 bucks. Today, I shall remember to appreciate my boyfriend. Today, I shall exercise. I take care of today Today and let tomorrow take care of itself.

While setting goals for the next 5 years may be useful for you to get ahead in life, I find that for most people are disillusioned with what they perceive will make them happy. In my most depressing moments, though I was earning well and my goals was well on track, there were times when I felt I was just an empty vessel or a plane on autopilot. Why stressed out on the next 5 years when you don’t even know if you’ll be here tomorrow?

Don’t get me wrong. I still want to get wealthy or rich. Having surplus income is honestly nice, getting the latest fancy bag do give me delight occasionally but I won’t sell my soul for it. I started Jeny’s Closet precisely because I want to create surplus income but I don’t do that at the expense of time with my family or friends. If I don’t feel like managing the blog for the day, I don’t do it. If I rather read than write a post, I’ll read. It is not the be all end all. Ultimately, freedom of choice is what I am after. Eventually, if it surpasses my expectations to replace a full time income, great. If it doesn’t and turns out a flop, I will still enjoy the journey to get there anyhow.

Take care of today and tomorrow will take care of itself.

J.

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The Return of the Old Flame vs New Flame

You healed from a very painful break up, you move on and are feeling better than ever. You met someone new and you are much happier. The wounds from your previous relationship are now out of your mind.


That is until an old flame returns…


Whatever the case, either you part amicably and has been in touched through social network because he/she is on another timezone or the scars has healed and now he/she is a better person, perhaps he/she is still holding a torch for you and hope beyond hope that you two can get rekindled again. An old flame is and will never be good news to you and your new partner.


So what do you do?


Can an old flame be friends? Or should you just bury the memory and pretended that part of your life never existed?


What if those were the best memories you had?


Ask yourself…

Would testing the old waters really be a good idea? Is your current lover a better match for you? You thought so - but now you're not sure. The best thing to do in a situation like this is to make a "pro"and "con" list for both your ex and your new lover. Gauge how your ex sizes up next to them.
If that isn't the deciding factor, do some further soul-searching. First, ask yourself if getting back together with your ex will make you happy – or are you happy with your current lover. Is the situation you're in worth losing over a relationship that was unsuccessful in the first place? Why was it unsuccessful or was it simply ‘chance not taken’. No one wants to work on getting an ex back only to find that they are headed down the same path one more time. If you find yourself reminiscing about the past you had with your ex, stay objective - consider "the good, the bad and the ugly." Remember a chance lost is a chance lost. Worrying about spilled milk will get you nowhere. Clean up the mess, get a new glass.


What changed?

Keep in mind that some relationships are just not worth saving. Old lovers are known to promise the world to get what they want, or think they want - but can they deliver? If they hadn't contacted you, would you have even considered the possibility of a second chance? If you seemed to have spent more time arguing and fighting than you did having a good time together, you may want to consider staying just where you are - with the new person. After all, relationships do follow the flow of creation. They are there for as long as they are needed, and for as long as they are helpful to your spiritual growth. Some relationships last forever, and others do not. But if you feel that you had a good relationship and the breakup was - in retrospect - merely an unfortunate blip, then you might just have a worthy case.
Either way, give yourself all the time you need to think before you reach a decision, because you must consider the new person in your life. This is where it gets tricky. Is your new lover someone who you genuinely like and care for, or are they just a rebound, someone who was meant to take the place of your ex or someone to temporarily ‘fill in the position’ ? Only you can be the judge of that. Remember that there aren't any right or wrong answers. Stop, think, breathe... and don't forget to use the best gift you've got - your intuition.

And most of all, don't rush into anything. If it's meant to be, time will tell and your lover will wait an eternity for you! So take your time making a decision. The situation may play itself out in time before your conclusion is clear. Then you'll have an answer without making a mistake.


Can you live with the past?

Consider that you're not going to be able to go back in time and change what has already happened. If you go back to someone who hurt you or cheated on you, you're going to have to live with that. Concentrate on what you'll need from them to make things better this time around and honestly gauge if they can give it to you.
Regardless of your choice, try to keep the past in the past and the present in the present. Once you decide to break up with your new love or go back to the old one, don't waste precious time mulling over all the things you think you did wrong (or they did wrong!) in the relationship. Your mind may even manufacture wrongs that really weren't wrong. Do yourself a favor and don't argue or plead with your ex about these things. They are in the past for a reason and it is time to move forward with a clean slate.

But do be realistic that this relationship didn't work out the first time around. What significant change has occurred to give it a real chance this time? If you do not have a solid answer to this question ("They realized they really did love me!" is not an answer), there is your decision.

Having said that, if you have a current lover who would like to return to his/her old flame - let it be. Don't stand in the way. You would much rather wish them all the happiness then to constantly wonder if he/she'll stray with the old flame when you are not around. Having a partner you cant totally trust will drive you crazy. Love lost is love lost. Take the time apart to nurture yourself, there are some things shared between 2 people that you may not understand and allow space for some new flame to come visit.

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Posted in: Nomad Philosophy,Relationships

The Imperfect Perfect - You

‘Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.’~Lao Tzu

I believe people want to improve something about themselves. They’re not satisfied with their lives, they’re unhappy with their bodies, they want to be better people.

I know, because I am one of those people.

This desire to improve myself and my life was one of the things that led to Jeny's Closet Blog. I’ve been there, and I can say that it leads to a lot of striving, and a lot of dissatisfaction with who you are and what your life is.

A powerful realization that has helped me is simply this: You’re already good enough, you already have more than enough, and you’re already perfect.

Try saying that to yourself, as corny as that might sound, just to see if it sounds true. Does it resonate as something you already believe (in which case, you can probably stop reading now), or does it not feel right? Do you feel like there are things you still need to improve?

The things I’ve learned, and it’s not some new truth but an old one that took me much too long to learn, is that if you learn to be content with who you are and where you are in life, it changes everything.

Consider what changes:

• You no longer feel dissatisfied with yourself or your life.
• You no longer spend so much time and energy wanting to change and trying to change.
• You no longer compare yourself to other people, and wish you were better.
• You can be happy, all the time, no matter what happens in the world around you.
• Instead of trying to improve yourself, you can spend your time helping others.
• You stop spending so much money on things that will supposedly improve your life.
• You can be smug about it, like me.

OK, the last bit was a joke, but the rest is true, in my experience.

And here’s another realization that I’ve written about before: You already have everything you need to be happy, right here and right now.

Do you have eyes that see? You have the ability to appreciate the beauty of the sky, of greenery, of people’s faces, of water. Do you have ears that hear? You have the ability to appreciate music, the sound of rainfall, the laughter of friends. You have the ability to feel rough denim, cool breezes, grass on bare feet … to smell fresh-cut grass, flowers, coffee … to taste a plum, a chili pepper, chocolate.

This is a miracle, and we take it for granted. Instead, we strive for more, when we already have everything. We want nicer clothes, cooler gadgets, bigger muscles, bigger boobies, flatter stomachs, bigger houses, cars with leather seats that talk to you and massage your butt. We’ve kinda gone insane that way.

The sane thing is to realize we don’t need any of that. We don’t need to improve our lives. We don’t need to improve ourselves, because we’re already perfect.

Once you accept this, it frees you.

You’re now free to do things, not because you want to be better, but because you love it. Because you’re passionate about it, and it gives you joy. Because it’s a miracle that you even can do it.

You’re already perfect. Being content with yourself means realizing that striving for perfection is based on someone else’s idea of what “perfect” is … and that that’s all bullshit. Perfect is who you are, not who someone else says you should be.

Also, as corny as it may sound, I love you, completely and unconditionally, and if everyone else in your world betrays and abandons you, you always have me. :)

Now stop reading this blog, and go be happy.

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Posted in: Health and Beauty,Nomad Philosophy