The Return of the Old Flame vs New Flame ~ Jeny's Closet

You healed from a very painful break up, you move on and are feeling better than ever. You met someone new and you are much happier. The wounds from your previous relationship are now out of your mind.

That is until an old flame returns…

Whatever the case, either you part amicably and has been in touched through social network because he/she is on another timezone or the scars has healed and now he/she is a better person, perhaps he/she is still holding a torch for you and hope beyond hope that you two can get rekindled again. An old flame is and will never be good news to you and your new partner.

So what do you do?

Can an old flame be friends? Or should you just bury the memory and pretended that part of your life never existed?

What if those were the best memories you had?

Ask yourself…

Would testing the old waters really be a good idea? Is your current lover a better match for you? You thought so - but now you're not sure. The best thing to do in a situation like this is to make a "pro"and "con" list for both your ex and your new lover. Gauge how your ex sizes up next to them.
If that isn't the deciding factor, do some further soul-searching. First, ask yourself if getting back together with your ex will make you happy – or are you happy with your current lover. Is the situation you're in worth losing over a relationship that was unsuccessful in the first place? Why was it unsuccessful or was it simply ‘chance not taken’. No one wants to work on getting an ex back only to find that they are headed down the same path one more time. If you find yourself reminiscing about the past you had with your ex, stay objective - consider "the good, the bad and the ugly." Remember a chance lost is a chance lost. Worrying about spilled milk will get you nowhere. Clean up the mess, get a new glass.

What changed?

Keep in mind that some relationships are just not worth saving. Old lovers are known to promise the world to get what they want, or think they want - but can they deliver? If they hadn't contacted you, would you have even considered the possibility of a second chance? If you seemed to have spent more time arguing and fighting than you did having a good time together, you may want to consider staying just where you are - with the new person. After all, relationships do follow the flow of creation. They are there for as long as they are needed, and for as long as they are helpful to your spiritual growth. Some relationships last forever, and others do not. But if you feel that you had a good relationship and the breakup was - in retrospect - merely an unfortunate blip, then you might just have a worthy case.
Either way, give yourself all the time you need to think before you reach a decision, because you must consider the new person in your life. This is where it gets tricky. Is your new lover someone who you genuinely like and care for, or are they just a rebound, someone who was meant to take the place of your ex or someone to temporarily ‘fill in the position’ ? Only you can be the judge of that. Remember that there aren't any right or wrong answers. Stop, think, breathe... and don't forget to use the best gift you've got - your intuition.

And most of all, don't rush into anything. If it's meant to be, time will tell and your lover will wait an eternity for you! So take your time making a decision. The situation may play itself out in time before your conclusion is clear. Then you'll have an answer without making a mistake.

Can you live with the past?

Consider that you're not going to be able to go back in time and change what has already happened. If you go back to someone who hurt you or cheated on you, you're going to have to live with that. Concentrate on what you'll need from them to make things better this time around and honestly gauge if they can give it to you.
Regardless of your choice, try to keep the past in the past and the present in the present. Once you decide to break up with your new love or go back to the old one, don't waste precious time mulling over all the things you think you did wrong (or they did wrong!) in the relationship. Your mind may even manufacture wrongs that really weren't wrong. Do yourself a favor and don't argue or plead with your ex about these things. They are in the past for a reason and it is time to move forward with a clean slate.

But do be realistic that this relationship didn't work out the first time around. What significant change has occurred to give it a real chance this time? If you do not have a solid answer to this question ("They realized they really did love me!" is not an answer), there is your decision.

Having said that, if you have a current lover who would like to return to his/her old flame - let it be. Don't stand in the way. You would much rather wish them all the happiness then to constantly wonder if he/she'll stray with the old flame when you are not around. Having a partner you cant totally trust will drive you crazy. Love lost is love lost. Take the time apart to nurture yourself, there are some things shared between 2 people that you may not understand and allow space for some new flame to come visit.

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