An Author's Post - The Idea of Success (The Beginning Chapter)

This is not just another ‘About’ post. What the ‘About’ page lacks in detail, I’m going to address in this post.

Here’s the deal: I’ve been working full time for almost 10 years. I’ve had a lot of failures and a lot of successes in my attempt to climb the corporate ladder.

In my younger days, success would mean a heavy paycheque, fancy cars, fancy clothes, fancy bags and a fancy boyfriend. By a fancy boyfriend I mean, tall, suave, good looking and he too owns a heavy paycheque, fancy cars and…..well you get my drift.

Having gone through losing my entire savings, incurring debt, climbing the corporate ladder from below (again), being cheated on and a bad dirty break up, my idea of success now is – if I can get through the day only to still feel grateful and happy, knowing that tomorrow is another day and I’ve done the best that I could to celebrate the day I have today.

No longer do I set goals of where I want to be in the next 5 years or 10 or 20. I set goals now on very short specific terms. For example, today I want to wake up at 6am and talk to God. Today, I shall attempt not to make Mum upset. Today, I shall finish work by end day and not think about work. Today, I shall not spend more than 10 bucks. Today, I shall remember to appreciate my boyfriend. Today, I shall exercise. I take care of today Today and let tomorrow take care of itself.

While setting goals for the next 5 years may be useful for you to get ahead in life, I find that for most people are disillusioned with what they perceive will make them happy. In my most depressing moments, though I was earning well and my goals was well on track, there were times when I felt I was just an empty vessel or a plane on autopilot. Why stressed out on the next 5 years when you don’t even know if you’ll be here tomorrow?

Don’t get me wrong. I still want to get wealthy or rich. Having surplus income is honestly nice, getting the latest fancy bag do give me delight occasionally but I won’t sell my soul for it. I started Jeny’s Closet precisely because I want to create surplus income but I don’t do that at the expense of time with my family or friends. If I don’t feel like managing the blog for the day, I don’t do it. If I rather read than write a post, I’ll read. It is not the be all end all. Ultimately, freedom of choice is what I am after. Eventually, if it surpasses my expectations to replace a full time income, great. If it doesn’t and turns out a flop, I will still enjoy the journey to get there anyhow.

Take care of today and tomorrow will take care of itself.

J.

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Posted in: Nomad Life,Nomad Philosophy

The Return of the Old Flame vs New Flame

You healed from a very painful break up, you move on and are feeling better than ever. You met someone new and you are much happier. The wounds from your previous relationship are now out of your mind.


That is until an old flame returns…


Whatever the case, either you part amicably and has been in touched through social network because he/she is on another timezone or the scars has healed and now he/she is a better person, perhaps he/she is still holding a torch for you and hope beyond hope that you two can get rekindled again. An old flame is and will never be good news to you and your new partner.


So what do you do?


Can an old flame be friends? Or should you just bury the memory and pretended that part of your life never existed?


What if those were the best memories you had?


Ask yourself…

Would testing the old waters really be a good idea? Is your current lover a better match for you? You thought so - but now you're not sure. The best thing to do in a situation like this is to make a "pro"and "con" list for both your ex and your new lover. Gauge how your ex sizes up next to them.
If that isn't the deciding factor, do some further soul-searching. First, ask yourself if getting back together with your ex will make you happy – or are you happy with your current lover. Is the situation you're in worth losing over a relationship that was unsuccessful in the first place? Why was it unsuccessful or was it simply ‘chance not taken’. No one wants to work on getting an ex back only to find that they are headed down the same path one more time. If you find yourself reminiscing about the past you had with your ex, stay objective - consider "the good, the bad and the ugly." Remember a chance lost is a chance lost. Worrying about spilled milk will get you nowhere. Clean up the mess, get a new glass.


What changed?

Keep in mind that some relationships are just not worth saving. Old lovers are known to promise the world to get what they want, or think they want - but can they deliver? If they hadn't contacted you, would you have even considered the possibility of a second chance? If you seemed to have spent more time arguing and fighting than you did having a good time together, you may want to consider staying just where you are - with the new person. After all, relationships do follow the flow of creation. They are there for as long as they are needed, and for as long as they are helpful to your spiritual growth. Some relationships last forever, and others do not. But if you feel that you had a good relationship and the breakup was - in retrospect - merely an unfortunate blip, then you might just have a worthy case.
Either way, give yourself all the time you need to think before you reach a decision, because you must consider the new person in your life. This is where it gets tricky. Is your new lover someone who you genuinely like and care for, or are they just a rebound, someone who was meant to take the place of your ex or someone to temporarily ‘fill in the position’ ? Only you can be the judge of that. Remember that there aren't any right or wrong answers. Stop, think, breathe... and don't forget to use the best gift you've got - your intuition.

And most of all, don't rush into anything. If it's meant to be, time will tell and your lover will wait an eternity for you! So take your time making a decision. The situation may play itself out in time before your conclusion is clear. Then you'll have an answer without making a mistake.


Can you live with the past?

Consider that you're not going to be able to go back in time and change what has already happened. If you go back to someone who hurt you or cheated on you, you're going to have to live with that. Concentrate on what you'll need from them to make things better this time around and honestly gauge if they can give it to you.
Regardless of your choice, try to keep the past in the past and the present in the present. Once you decide to break up with your new love or go back to the old one, don't waste precious time mulling over all the things you think you did wrong (or they did wrong!) in the relationship. Your mind may even manufacture wrongs that really weren't wrong. Do yourself a favor and don't argue or plead with your ex about these things. They are in the past for a reason and it is time to move forward with a clean slate.

But do be realistic that this relationship didn't work out the first time around. What significant change has occurred to give it a real chance this time? If you do not have a solid answer to this question ("They realized they really did love me!" is not an answer), there is your decision.

Having said that, if you have a current lover who would like to return to his/her old flame - let it be. Don't stand in the way. You would much rather wish them all the happiness then to constantly wonder if he/she'll stray with the old flame when you are not around. Having a partner you cant totally trust will drive you crazy. Love lost is love lost. Take the time apart to nurture yourself, there are some things shared between 2 people that you may not understand and allow space for some new flame to come visit.

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Posted in: Nomad Philosophy,Relationships

The Imperfect Perfect - You

‘Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.’~Lao Tzu

I believe people want to improve something about themselves. They’re not satisfied with their lives, they’re unhappy with their bodies, they want to be better people.

I know, because I am one of those people.

This desire to improve myself and my life was one of the things that led to Jeny's Closet Blog. I’ve been there, and I can say that it leads to a lot of striving, and a lot of dissatisfaction with who you are and what your life is.

A powerful realization that has helped me is simply this: You’re already good enough, you already have more than enough, and you’re already perfect.

Try saying that to yourself, as corny as that might sound, just to see if it sounds true. Does it resonate as something you already believe (in which case, you can probably stop reading now), or does it not feel right? Do you feel like there are things you still need to improve?

The things I’ve learned, and it’s not some new truth but an old one that took me much too long to learn, is that if you learn to be content with who you are and where you are in life, it changes everything.

Consider what changes:

• You no longer feel dissatisfied with yourself or your life.
• You no longer spend so much time and energy wanting to change and trying to change.
• You no longer compare yourself to other people, and wish you were better.
• You can be happy, all the time, no matter what happens in the world around you.
• Instead of trying to improve yourself, you can spend your time helping others.
• You stop spending so much money on things that will supposedly improve your life.
• You can be smug about it, like me.

OK, the last bit was a joke, but the rest is true, in my experience.

And here’s another realization that I’ve written about before: You already have everything you need to be happy, right here and right now.

Do you have eyes that see? You have the ability to appreciate the beauty of the sky, of greenery, of people’s faces, of water. Do you have ears that hear? You have the ability to appreciate music, the sound of rainfall, the laughter of friends. You have the ability to feel rough denim, cool breezes, grass on bare feet … to smell fresh-cut grass, flowers, coffee … to taste a plum, a chili pepper, chocolate.

This is a miracle, and we take it for granted. Instead, we strive for more, when we already have everything. We want nicer clothes, cooler gadgets, bigger muscles, bigger boobies, flatter stomachs, bigger houses, cars with leather seats that talk to you and massage your butt. We’ve kinda gone insane that way.

The sane thing is to realize we don’t need any of that. We don’t need to improve our lives. We don’t need to improve ourselves, because we’re already perfect.

Once you accept this, it frees you.

You’re now free to do things, not because you want to be better, but because you love it. Because you’re passionate about it, and it gives you joy. Because it’s a miracle that you even can do it.

You’re already perfect. Being content with yourself means realizing that striving for perfection is based on someone else’s idea of what “perfect” is … and that that’s all bullshit. Perfect is who you are, not who someone else says you should be.

Also, as corny as it may sound, I love you, completely and unconditionally, and if everyone else in your world betrays and abandons you, you always have me. :)

Now stop reading this blog, and go be happy.

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Posted in: Health and Beauty,Nomad Philosophy

Why God will not make me a Man....'Indulging in your inner Bitch'

"Indulging in your inner bitch can sometimes be a good thing"

If I am a Man, I would...

1. Be very good looking.
2. Have 6 packs abs and 2 to spare.
3. Kiss a girl at 12.
4. Lose my virginity at 16 with my female best friend.
5. Play professional football.
6. Make sure I make love to 120 virgins, I sure hell wouldn’t get to claim them when I die.
7. Father a child in every continent, state and country. I am narcissistic that way, I want everyone to look like me.
8. Vow to never fall in love and only make love.
9. Realized that I’ve been in love with my female best friend when she got married.
10. Get married at the age of 50 to a 20 something old girl. Divorce her when she became fat.
11. Get married the second time to my best friend when her husband died. She was the love of my life and I killed her husband. She didn’t know that.
12. Die of poison because my wife found out I cheated on her.
13. Went to hell.

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Making Ketupats - The Lost Art

Ketupat or packed rice is a type of dumpling from Indonesia, Malaysia, Brunei,Singapore, and the Philippines. It is made from rice that has been wrapped in a woven palm leaf pouch and boiled. As the rice cooks, the grains expand to fill the pouch and the rice becomes compressed. This method of cooking gives the ketupat its characteristic form and texture of a rice dumpling. Ketupat is usually eaten with rendang (a type of dry beef curry) or served as an accompaniment to satay or gado-gado, a chosen mix during Eid Mubarak.

- Wikipedia

You can earn a living weaving ketupats.

That was what I was thinking as I spent the last 2 hours weaving ketupats for Eid Mubarak. Eid will come to us in the next 2 days and if I don’t finish this whole bunch of leaves soon my Mum will have fits and I will have a panic attack. Much as I love having mindless conversation with my boyfriend, this was much more important. I will be dead if I don’t have ketupats on the table for Eid.

Ketupats are the main source of food for Eid Mubarak. You can’t have Eid Mubarak without it, like you cannot not have Turkey during Thanksgiving. The process of making one is tedious, is it any wonder very few people practice making their own ketupats anymore. I myself was once reluctant to learn the skill but Mum spook me into learning by telling a dubious tale that should I die without learning, I would have to carry the penis of a genie when I die. I was 9 when she told me that and I spend the next 3 years trying to learn the skill. I only perfected it when I was 12. Now I can’t stop bragging being one of the last few of my generations having the knowledge and skill of making that ketupat. Gee, thanks Mum. For that penis tale.

I made this video for my sister Syasya so she too can learn the arts of weaving ketupats. She won’t buy the story of the penis but I hope that she and her generations will continue this culture we built before it is long forgotten. Let it not be a lost art in our pursuit of modernization. It is such foods made with love and its rich history that makes such occasions, like having a meal with loved ones, memorable.

To all my Muslim friends, have a great Eid Mubarak.

How to make Ketupats from Juzaila Jumari on Vimeo.

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Posted in: Random Thoughts and Expressions